I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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