My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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