someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
