I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
