she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
