My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BRING THE BAGELS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
