I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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