i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
