We're like a lot better than the average bears
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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