on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
