I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
