His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
