DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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