where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
