Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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