i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
