I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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