You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
