Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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