sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
