just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
