I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
