fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
