I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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