I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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