My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
