I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Found your dick twin last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
