Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
