Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
