Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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