yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
false alarm. still invincible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
