Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
