I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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