3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
