I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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