turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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