I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
