Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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