the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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