god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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