Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
