i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
