I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
