I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
