either way he was missing a nipple.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
