Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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