I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
