Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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