I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
