I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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