I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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