I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
