my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
